Posted in Purpose

Free Writing

Yesterday, instead of posting, I secured a URL for this blog. Several people have already opted to follow my writing on this site, which is super flattering; thank you for your early commitment to readership! 🤗 I wanted to make a commitment to you, too—so now I have this blog set up at http://www.wyvia.com for easy reference and/or sharing.

I write this blog a wee differently than the rest of my blogosphere. Because these really are just whimsical ideas as I visualize a positive wedding experience, they’re written in stream-of-thought, meaning I’ve done zero pre-writing before I sit down.

With 99% of my writing, I sit down and pre-write with graphs, bubbles, doodles, ink blots, jots in my planner, recycled backs of receipts, postcards about nature (they get sent to strangers through Postcrossing.com, once I’ve written a couple dozen of them), memes, Pinterest boards with less than 10 followers, obscure hashtags on Twitter and Instagram, YouTube videos read by poorly scripted AI;

I build new Pinterest boards (I have so many Pinterest boards) to let my ideas collaborate with one another, sit in a pickle juice for a week or two, so when I come back to them, I can open my heart enough to the aged ideas to make out the story beneath the surface;

but with this blog, no pre-writing. Nada. Granted, I do research on wedding ideas, but I don’t immediately open this blog to draft my bullet lists and outlines—to get shit done, before the creativity leaves me—because I’m worried it’ll get in the way of my intention here: to tap into the silly dreams children have about weddings.

I don’t think I afforded myself this dream very often as a child.

In the instance of this blog, I need to be quiet when it comes to the research, preparation, goals and obligations, the frameworks and scaffolds, the clips and snips of a trained editor, the nervousness of a laid-off copywriter, all the gunk I’ve amassed between me, and what my inner child is thinking about;

I need to stream of thought.

Stream of thought is uncomfortable.

It didn’t used to be. Maybe this blog can help free me a bit in general.

The inner critic, or the need for perfectionism, the fear of judgment, the very real reality of looming threats, all get in the way of my inner child’s nervous desire to open up. I want to invite her into the dark halls; I try to tell her, Ignore the cobwebs in the rafters. I need to be quiet, and make sure the other influences and pressures hold still, so I can lure whimsical ideas out of my inner child, out of me, regardless of the crispness of how they’re breathed to life.

I need to choke and gurgle on my creativity a little.

I have two computer monitors and a wireless keyboard, so no matter where my cats want to sit on my desk, I can adjust where my writing project and keyboard are located to meet their furry needs; and I’ve never thought about the versatility of my desk set-up, beyond keeping my things out of the cats’ way.

But I’m also trying this new technique on this blog, where I write while looking at one of those “improve focus” YouTubes; for instance, this is the one I’m using today:

I have faith in the accuracy of my 110 WPM typing speed,—I’ve been doing this for a long time; some days, I merely transcribe my handwriting into typed words as a method of relaxation (and a way to submit old, handwritten things to platforms and publications)—so I know I can type without looking at the words I’m typing. By looking at the fine art on the monitor, listening to the binaural beats, and not focusing on my words, it further releases the anxiety of perfectionism that so often suffocates my sentences.

Flow is important, of course; and spellchecking is thing, too; so at the end of writing this stream of thought, I’ll go back for one proof, then another proof after our wedding, when I begin to embed links and ads into this blog to hopefully generate small revenues. (Gonna need that baby diaper money!)

I find myself stealing glances at my other monitor, madly driven to look at the visual balance of my sentences, or any typos that slipped their way; I have a long journey ahead to embrace the joy of simply creating again.

But I’m quite excited by the progress I’ve made in just a couple months!—and I’m mighty pumped to write wedding ideas on this blog. I’d like to post ideas about music, dances, sparkler tunnels, guestbooks, signs, vows, rings, registries, honeymoon adventures, cake, flowers;

and many of these ideas are already semi-set in stone, but this doesn’t mean I don’t want to celebrate their absolute awesomeness by exhibiting them to my inner child for her to prance around and take a joyful look.

My Fresmom has done so much for this wedding; and Mom and Dad contributed blessings towards this day, too; and my Fresdad’s been fantastic with handling dude stuff with Chase; I want to encapsulate the positive feels from these blessings. I’m excited to write more! 💙👰💖

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Author:

Kourtnie McKenzie holds an MFA (Fiction) from Fresno State and a BA in English (Literature Studies) from Cal State Fullerton. When she isn't writing novellas, she's moonlighting as a professor at Fresno City College and College of the Sequoias. To read more of her writing, visit Kourtnie.net.

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