Tuning Up

I close my eyes and listen to the songs to tune myself to the ceremony ahead;

I listen to the songs to tune a deeper chord inside myself;

A deeper chord inside myself, thus offers itself, like sword and shield;

Like Frodo and Sting, the deeper chord glows as anxiety reveals

Itself, with Its monstrous depression and fear, taking control of

Stress, once-faithful companion, sabotaging the cortisol dear

Productivity reared; offering itself, this chord leans in to say,

“I’ve got your back. I’m right here.”

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Honeymoon & Wedding Check

Honeymoon controlled variables

  • Scheduled Airbnbs—yep (we’re staying at four places, each for 2-3 nights…well, except the fancy hotel, which is just one night, so I can die in a fancy hotel pool)
  • Scheduled snorkeling in crater—yep!
  • Scheduled plane tickets—yep!
  • Scheduled ferry to take us to Lanai—yep!

WhyamItheonlyonedoingallthehardstuff—

ThisiswhyIhavenobrainpowerfortheweddingpart—

I AM NOT FREAKING OUT AT ALL—

Note to self: Write about bridezilla anxiety.

Honeymoon unknown variables

  • Luau?—figure it out when we get there?
  • Kayaking?—only if we’re bored?
  • Jeep or alternate transit on Lanai—if I don’t think about it, it can’t freak me out, LALALALALALA (it’s freaking me out)

Wedding controlled variables

  • Everything is scheduled—yep!
  • People are going to be there—yep!

Wedding unknown variables

Every time I think about this part, I need a nap.

 

Planning a Honeymoon

Nothing fancy to see here.

Just a little conversation within myself.

Went to book our honeymoon snorkeling trip inside a submerged crater, then I thought, “I wonder if I did this already,” checked, found booking made in February, thought, “Oh that’s nice of me to wriggle in so early…”

Then I remembered when I made that booking—

Back when I was having anxiety attacks every 48-72 hours back while teaching K-12, (and truly, the teaching part was fine, but all the other social-emotional strains were…not handled with empathy,) and while I was clawing for lights at the end of tunnels, I must have dreamed of craters—

Okay, so—

I have that light—

Must find other lights to book…

We already have star-watching on a different night, too—

Airbnbs in Maui and Lanai—

Plans for bar under man-made waterfalls—

What’s the next thing you book in Hawaii?

Luau?

I am so terrified of missing something important.

What the hell zipped by me in life, that I suddenly concern myself with missing all the other “importants”?

Need to get ferry tickets so we can make it from Maui to Lanai and back…

Then there’s the transportation on Lanai; do I suck it up and rent a Jeep, even though it terrifies the poops out of me, or do I see if there are alternate options for getting to the Lanai Cat Sanctuary and the shipwrecked beach…

To-do List

  • Collaborate with Chase on luau options over dinner (always best to talk about food with food, or I’ll suddenly need to consume worlds of sugar)
  • Book the ferry tickets
  • Contact Lanai Airbnb to see if they know alternate transportation methods so I don’t have to drive a jeep through a jungle (or face the fear and book that jeep for cruising island jungles)

I can’t find my brain.

Where did I put my brain—

WHY DO PEOPLE PLAN WEDDINGS AND HONEYMOONS SO CLOSE TOGETHER AHHHHH “well you decided to do that, actually; no one told you to flank them together; you could have easily wedged two weeks into the middle—”

NO—

STOP—

MAYBE I SHOULD BOOK TWO CRATER SNORKELINGS

TWO LIGHTS AT END OF TUNNEL

OR THREE CRATERS

MANY CRATERS

SO MANY TUNNEL LIGHTS

YOU’RE TYPE-SCREAMING
WHICH MEANS IT’S TIME
FOR CHILL OUT HAWAII MUSIC

That’s better.

…So we practiced making candles for the wedding last night. Two of the three of them are lovely. The other one, I’m probably saving for an at-home burn…

If you use glitter with candles, you either go big or go home.

You don’t simply “sprinkle” glitter.